The venue, should we end up getting it, is really cool. It's a Masonic Family Park in Granite Falls. They have a big industrial kitchen, and lots of open picnic areas, and several large covered picnic shelters, and a covered amphitheater that we think would be perfect for the ceremony. The SCA does several events each year at this property, so they are used to big groups of crazy people. So yeah, we are really hoping this works out.
Oh, yeah, so ... why am I pissed off at Wedding Wire? Well, as part of that whole "needing to plan" feeling, I decided to look at one of the sites that a friend of mine had used to make her wedding website. I liked WW's website tool, and built something that looked cute, and appropriate for us and everything. I was kind of annoyed that they wouldn't even let you register without giving the wedding date, but figured I could just put one that was within our window range and it would be good enough. They also had a pretty good budgeting tool and calendar checklist.
Then I discovered the forums. And found the biggest group of snobby, judgmental, bitchy brides-to-be. It was like someone had made internet clones of my future SIL and put them all there on these discussion forums.
Here are some of the things I learned from the oh-so-helpful people on the Wedding Wire forums:
1) If you are on any kind of budget restrictions, the only option you have is to severely limit your guest list. Because anyone who plans a wedding must provide a full formal sit down meal for every guest. Otherwise no one will want to come to your wedding. Because obviously, the only way people will want to share in the joy of the happiest day of a friend's life is if they are bribed with food and drink and entertainment.
2) All weddings must not only have a formal reception, but any wedding over 25 guests must have a formal seating chart. If there is no seating chart, all the guests will hate the bride for the rest of her natural life.
3) Potluck wedding receptions are the tackiest thing in the universe and any bride contemplating holding one should be tarred and feathered and run out of town.
4) Do-it-yourself reception food is only slightly less tacky than potluck. And if you do make your own food, rather than hire a professional caterer, half the wedding guests are guaranteed to come down with food poisoning.
5) Brides who do not do wedding registries are obviously just begging their guests for cash gifts, which is a sin of greed beyond redemption. All brides need to register with at least one store, because apparently wedding guests are unable to make their own decisions about what to give a couple as a wedding gift.
6) Family members' demands should be accommodated at all costs because family is paramount when planning a wedding. Abusive/neglectful relatives are, luckily, often granted an exception to this rule. Likewise if the couple is paying for the wedding themselves.
7) Every large detail and many small details should be worked out and locked down at least 12 months before the wedding date. If not, you are a slacker bride who doesn't deserve anything better than an elopement or a backyard ceremony for 20 people (with a fully catered meal, of course!).
8) Everyone you invite to an engagement party needs to be invited to the wedding. Everyone you invite to the wedding should be invited to any after parties you host. If you can only have, or only want, a small number of people at the after party, then you should have a very small wedding (with a fully catered meal, of course!). Same thing with wedding showers. It must be an all or nothing deal, otherwise you are a rude bridezilla.
9) Any time a bride puts her foot down or takes a stand for something she feels strongly about, she is a Bridezilla.
10) Someone is always going to complain about something in regards to your wedding, and try to tell you that it is wrong and that "their way" is right.
Okay, so that last one is actually true ...
I'm keeping my account, so that I can continue to use the planning tools and the website (which I will post, once I get the venue and the date locked down). But I'm walking away from the forums. Maybe I'll go back. Maybe not. They were just becoming an obsession, and a source of frustration. Something I really don't need now.
Have you checked out Offbeat Bride and it's forums? It seemed much more reasonable and welcoming, at least when I was planning. I sorta agree about the seating chart, at least as a starting point for people... But that's only because in my introverted nature, I never know where to sit or who to sit with. You try to sit with a group of people, you often find, oh, that seat is taken/table is full. You sit alone, well, you may stay sitting alone. For me, a seating chart at that sort of event means you don't have to worry about those things, and everyone has people to sit with. Then if people want to mingle from there, no problem! That said, I don't hate anyone who doesn't have one!!! It's just a personal preference, not a matter of one way being better for everyone :). (And definitely not trying to tell you how to do it, just sharing my thoughts.)
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about this comment, and wanted to add I obviously don't actually agree with the seating chart one, since I don't think any bride should be hated over it... And second, I know that not even all introverts like seating charts. My reasons for preferring them in some circumstances come from an introvert perspective, but my mom doesn't like them, also from an introvert perspective -- she wants to be able to control who she sits with, and not worry about being seated with, and having to chat with, people she doesn't know/isn't comfortable with. Anyway, that's far more than needed to be said on a tiny line in your post... I reiterate offbeat bride, though. Good site.
DeleteTotally agree about Offbeat Bride. I love that site. Especially the way they premise pretty much every "unusual" suggestion with "Of course it's tacky! Every thing we do is tacky! Who cares, it's your wedding."
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