Isn't she adorable?!?!
But seriously, just starting to look at all the options and potential venues and such was making my head spin. Not to mention seeing the budget numbers climb higher and higher each time one of us thought of that one thing more that we wanted to add. And this was us trying to work on what is really a tiny budget for a big wedding.
I have only two things to say about that:
1) Trying to do a "full service" wedding on a shoestring budget is enough to drive any person crazy. Since I am mostly there already, I don't need that extra push over the edge. Not now or 12-14 months from now.
2) I owe my parents both a huge debt of gratitude and a huge apology for having unknowingly put them in the hole for at least $30K (if not more) for my first extravaganza of a princess fantasy wedding. Now that I have a better idea of what things cost ... Holy Crap! I can't believe they paid for all that and didn't kill me. Or stop me. Or something. And we all know how well that marriage worked out ...
So, yeah. My initial plan of an indoor/outdoor wedding in a rented hall of some sort on the water in a central location near Seattle with professional live musicians (or at least one), and a fully choreographed swordfight down the aisle, and plenty of drinks for all the guests, and a simple but complete appetizer course and full dinner, with a professionally made cake and DJ with dancing (including some sort of choreographed tango or waltz for the bride and groom) and a semi-full bar with volunteers to manage all of it somehow ... yeah, cue the Bridezilla.
First of all, I was starting to see the expenses easily creeping up into the $10-$12K range. And we are still paying for it all, and refuse to go into debt for a wedding, which would mean having to save somewhere around $800 each month. After our regular expenses. Which, of course, include a mortgage payment, and a car payment, and a pretty big increase in medical expenses for me this year with the sleep apnea testing and diagnosis, in addition to just regular expenses. Truth is, we don't live beyond our means, but we also don't live that much below it either. We have it about right. And as much as I love our friends and family, I'm not willing to eat Top Ramen for a year so that we can pay for a big wedding (not to mention that I can't eat Top Ramen for a year, what with the wheat/gluten intolerance and all).
And on the other hand, I also saw a whole lot of required preparation involved that was going to take a lot of manpower and coordination to make it work. Preparing all the food, purchasing all the drinks and ingredients, finding people to help cook and serve and everything. And then there were the decorations and making the clothes. The list went on and on. I do realize that we have a great support network of friends, and a lot of them would, in fact, be willing to do these things for us. But I didn't want to make the assumption that they would.
So we both had to have the "Come To Jesus" talk. This was hard for me, because I really, really want to give Brian the wedding he never had. And he was really getting in to it too. A little too much, I'm afraid. Or, to be more precise, I was beginning to feel too much pressure trying to satisfy all his wants, and his requirements. For example, he started getting very picky about the venue -- it couldn't be too "industrial", it had to actually be on some large body of water, with the potential for a boat launch and pick up, it had to have enough tables and chairs and they had to look nice, they had to allow beer, wine and hard alcohol without an exorbitant extra cost for doing so. And each requirement I heard, I kept seeing those dollar signs go up, up, up. I kind of got the feeling that he was trying to re-create ceremonies that other friends of ours have had over the last couple years. Not to mention that he seemed to want to make it very much a big production, which was adding to the stress factor, trying to figure out how we would fit in all that rehearsal time with the rest of the wedding prep.
I will admit, I was guilty of some of that "overdoing" as well. Mostly with clothing -- wanting to buy all new fabric, rather than starting with what was available in my substantial fabric stash, and wanting two dresses (a gown for the ceremony, and a pirate wench costume for the reception). And I wanted to provide all the food ourselves, feeling that a potluck wedding seemed tacky when we obviously seemed to be willing to splurge elsewhere.
As I posted on Facebook, I really was ready to chuck it all and just do something in our backyard. Quick, simple and cheap.
Luckily, Brian and I both communicate very well, and are able to get to good compromises pretty quickly (methinks this will hold us in good stead throughout our marriage). We decided that we still really wanted to be able to include all our friends and family who wanted to come. We still really wanted to keep the pirate theme. And we wanted to have a fun but relaxing event where everyone could feel comfortable and just have a good time.
So I made some pretty big adjustments, and was able to get the budget down to the $3,500-$4,000 range. We'll be scaling way back on the food, probably providing smoked meat, some beer and wine (and a little rum), and having friends bring potluck contributions for the rest. I will most likely be making my own cake, unless I can find someone who wants to donate that particular service (and does good gluten free baking). Actually, we are hoping to find people who will donate most of the services, including a WA-state legal officiant who speaks fluent Pirate and has the outfit. I think I've narrowed it down to one of two mostly-outdoor venues that charge a fraction of what even a city-owned hall costs, and seating will be at picnic style tables. My chosen photographer has agreed to work for considerably less than his normal rate, because he is awesome (and maybe because we ply him with smoked meat and cider whenever we see him).
We have decided against any kind of a wedding party. Really want to avoid all the drama that goes with that. People can just show up in pirate costumes, and get their pictures taken with us if they want. They don't have to be in a "wedding party" to do that. And honestly, I would like to have friends who are willing to help out with aspects of the wedding because they want to, not because they feel obligated to do so because I made them a bridesmaid. We're also forgoing bouquets, and all the "scripted" stuff usually done at a wedding reception like bouquet/garter toss, first dance, etc. We might make a dance floor, if one of our DJ friends wants to loan his equipment and services for the evening. Otherwise, we'll just eat, and talk, and have fun. Maybe make speeches. Maybe not.
And our wedding night will most likely be spent in a tent, since both sites I'm looking at allow overnight camping. Seems fitting somehow.
This is going to be good.
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